Thinking About: Approaching 50
Some of my readers will be aware that I’m approaching 50 and will reach that particular milestone in around 9 weeks time. The thing is I don’t feel 50 – whatever 50 actually feels like. I mean, this is the first time I’ve been here so it’s difficult to know how I’m supposed to feel. I certainly don’t feel old. OK, sometimes I feel old like when I’m ill and my bones ache or I hear some noise that passes for music these days but I don’t feel as I imagined being 50 would feel like.
Maybe it’s because I’ve never really grown up to any great extent. Funnily though, the two contradictory comments that have followed me throughout my life are those telling me to ‘grow up’ and those saying that I’m ‘old before my time’. Maybe it’s because I’ve never really had any responsibility – at least not to or for other people. I’ve never been married, never produced any children, never been anyone’s boss. I’ve never made a life or death decision, never seen anyone born or anyone die. I’ve never saved a life nor taken one. Maybe I’m just part of that baby boomer generation (or at least on the tail end of it) that never really had to grow up. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel old.
I don’t think being ‘over 50’ will make me any more mature. I’m still going to wear T-shirts to work. I’m still going to read SF and play computer games (Lever 41 on Modern Warfare 2 presently). But what I think I’ll do is be a bit more idiosyncratic, a bit more eccentric, a bit more me…. I’m getting to the stage where I’m beginning not to give a fuck any more what people think of me. I’m getting to that stage where I’m going to say what the hell I think rather than censor myself. I’m going to let a bit more of my personality out to ‘play’ in the world. I think that’ll be fun – at least for me! I’m aware that people, even those who like me, already think that I’m more that a little odd. It’s because I try, as much as I can, to be my own person – to be true to myself. What they don’t realise is that for many years I’ve been holding back. Maybe my 50’s is that time when I’ll ‘come out’ a bit more – a time to reveal a bit more of my true self. It’s an interesting thought and one I think I’ll play with. After all I don’t want to scare people too much. I’ll think I’ll ease into it over the next few years so that people can have time to adjust. I think my 50’s are going to be a decade full of interesting times [grin].
About Me
- CyberKitten
- I have a burning need to know stuff and I love asking awkward questions.
11 comments:
I hit 40 last year and I'm still waiting to feel 40. I don't feel much different than I did when I was in my teens, twenties, or thirties. Then again, I haven't really grown up either. ;-)
Ditto. I still feel pretty much the same as I did 30 years ago...
I wonder if that's a good thing though [laughs] Then again not that much has changed since my twenties - except that I've put on a bit of weight..... oh, and gone grey..... and my night vision is pretty poor......
Happy early birthday!
Like you, I'm approaching 50 (47 currently), and also like you I have no kids, but I've been married for quite a while.
Still, I also feel--not like I've never grown up, but like other people must think so. I don't feel there's some restrained me waiting to get out, but I do feel as though I've neglected to check off a bunch of society's boxes. Most days I feel great about that (and better and better the more time I spend at work); but there are times where I feel a bit isolated and alone.
Such is life, I guess.
Am I the only one out here who had to grow up? *just kidding* Well, at 46, almost 47, I can honestly say the only times I feel that my body is getting older is when I try to do something physical, like run or yoga, or household repairs. It takes me longer to do what I intended and I get sore easier and the pains last longer. Getting old in my head is a different story. In many respects I'm still mentally in my 30s, past most of the superficial, petty stuff, but still curious and adventurous in some respects. I do feel a general "slowing down" is occurring, but its still a subtle feeling. I'm slowing down as much as I can with 2 jobs, kids, a partner, a workout schedule and many more demands. Happy Birthday in anticipation of the coming event. Any special plans for the half century? My mom turns 75 this year and I'm trying to think of something cool to do for her birthday.
Yep, I just hit 40 not too long ago. Don't feel that much different.
I'm like you in that I'm more inclined to not care too much about what others may think about me. That's not to say that I'm not respectful of other's opinions. I can't take that part of out my character ... that's who I am. But, I'm becoming less inclined to put up with willfully ignorant people. And I'm not afraid to let them know who I really am.
I'd be curious to know whether a lot of your previous restraint was societal because of where you live. You know, "stiff upper lip" stuff. Because there are certainly a lot of stereotypes on both sides of the pond. We're portrayed as shoot-from-the-hip cowboy types but we are remarkably puritan about sex and altogether screwed-up about religion.
there's nothing immature about wearing t-shirts to work... especially if they have a witty slogan on them.
Just promise me you'll never wear a tie with such a fat knot that it looks like a ifsh hanging from your neck.
That's what most estate agents do, and I dislike most estate agents.
Happy birthday, anyway.
Perhaps you and my dad should have a chat.
I can understand that, as one gets older, they feel less of a need to fit a mold (i.e. to care what others think about them) but I'd also think that maturity one has at 50 should be different than the maturity one thinks one has at 20 which is centered on defining one's individuality—breaking free. Wouldn't it be great if, as we aged, that we became less self-focused (since we've spent so many years in that mode) and more other-focused?
I'm not sure I'll hit 50 with such an attitude, but I'd rather be a kindly old fogey than a crotchety old grouch (and of course Mr. CK is no crotchety old grouch, I'm just sayin').
Enjoy what remains of this side of the half-century mark!
Sincerely,
Laughing Boy
wunelle said: I've neglected to check off a bunch of society's boxes. Most days I feel great about that (and better and better the more time I spend at work); but there are times where I feel a bit isolated and alone.
They have check boxes for life now? I must have missed the memo [grin]
v v said: Am I the only one out here who had to grow up? *just kidding*
Oh, I think women *have* to grow up - its a rule or something.
v v said: I'm still mentally in my 30s, past most of the superficial, petty stuff, but still curious and adventurous in some respects.
Mentally I'm in my late 20's - though I was a *serious* 20+ year old [laughs]
v v said: Happy Birthday in anticipation of the coming event. Any special plans for the half century?
I've been giving that a lot of thought but haven't come up with much yet. I've pretty much got just about everything I want and don't feel the need for much else. I'm taking a week off work - instead of my usual birthday day - but beyond that.... I need some new glasses and I'm considering a new mobile phone but neither item is much of a birthday present.
dbackdad said: I'd be curious to know whether a lot of your previous restraint was societal because of where you live. You know, "stiff upper lip" stuff.
Oh, it's not the fact that I'm a Brit - although I do view too much public emoting as... unseemly. It's probably my upbringing. My dad was pretty closed off and my mum was mercurial until her stroke so emotional outbursts were never a good thing [grin] Also in my teens my mouth was far faster than my brain. I upset quite a few people by speaking my mind - including friends. I'm very lucky no one thumped me.
tf said: there's nothing immature about wearing t-shirts to work... especially if they have a witty slogan on them.
Usually cartoons or places I've been.
TF said: Just promise me you'll never wear a tie with such a fat knot that it looks like a fish hanging from your neck.
Haven't worn a tie to work in about 12 years.
TF said: Perhaps you and my dad should have a chat.
Oh, is he turning 50 too? BTW - How's your mum?
LB said: Wouldn't it be great if, as we aged, that we became less self-focused (since we've spent so many years in that mode) and more other-focused?
I don't think that being self-focused is that bad. Being totally self-absorbed probably isn't that good but having yourself as your focus.......
LB said: I'd rather be a kindly old fogey than a crotchety old grouch
I'm normally the odd uncle..... [grin]
I also take the day off for my birthday. I've been doing that since I was 30. I think I quite like the idea of taking the whole week off. I'll have to see if I can manage that. Have fun!
It's because this year it falls on a Wednesday. Because its my 50th I thought I'd take the Thursday & Friday too.... Then one of the guys I work with said that Monday was a Bank Holiday (Easter Monday) so it wasn't much point just coming in for the Tuesday. We also get the previous Friday & Thursday afternoon off anyway - which means for 4 days leave (paid) I'll get 10 1/2 days off. Cool!
You can't beat that!
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