Thinking About: Attraction
I have a somewhat deserved reputation of being picky, indeed overly picky, when it comes to potential partners. My reply to this is that I have standards and that my standards are more important than the possibility of a quick grope or an orgasm with someone I neither know nor even like. Contrary to my pickiness is that fact that I don’t believe that I have a definite ‘type’ that I prefer over all others. OK, I have a strange ‘thing’ about red-heads, but I wouldn’t call that an actual type. To be honest the lack of type is probably to do with the fact that I’m far more interested in the person themselves rather than the body they happen to occupy. I am attracted to, and fall in love with, personalities not bodies. What I have found, and I’m sure that I’m not alone in this, is that a person becomes more physically attractive the more you become emotionally attached to them. It’s certainly true for me. No doubt we’ve all known someone with a partner we can’t understand them being with. Love, or at least a healthy dose of affection, is the reason. Love isn’t exactly blind but it does alter reality around the lovers. When you fall out of love (or lust which is a close relative thereof) you exclaim “What did I possibly see in that person?” It’s because you’re no seeing them at ‘reality warp 5’. When a friend says to you in all honesty that someone is bad for you or just not for you it’s because they are literally not ‘seeing’ the same person that you are.
Of course even the fact that I know what’s going on in my head doesn’t stop me being attracted to unsuitable or unobtainable people. Been there, done that, bought several T-shirts. My much valued rationality doesn’t even get a look in when I go over the deep end about someone. Luckily though, I have, through repeated painful experiences as well as just a hint of maturity, stopped following the object of my affection around like a lost puppy. I’ve also managed to cut down on the sighing and the pointless romantic gestures. These days if my attraction is reciprocated I virtually need to be hit over the head by a prospective partner to make any kind of move. I am, all too often, the last to know that I’m about the get lucky.
Being the person that I am, I have a natural tendency to talk during sex. I don’t mean anything as crass as talking ‘dirty’ but actual conversations which, I have been told, is highly amusing if somewhat irritating from time to time. Rather inevitably I was explaining my thinking on the subject with my ex. I explained that I was making love to her, handily (lightly) tapping her on the forehead with my free hand, only I was doing so through her body. She seemed to get the idea and, as far as I could tell, appreciate the fact. Short of being telepathic it’s probably the closest we get to the merging of two personalities. It’s just a pity sometimes (from my perspective at least) that there’s flesh getting in the way. I don’t think that I’m particularly odd in being more attracted to minds than I am to bodies, though it does seem that bodies are a much higher priority to most people. When a friend points out a particularly attractive woman I might not even raise my head and look (which sometimes results in some rather strange criticisms and might be a component in some people thinking that I’m gay) but generally I can’t see the point. Beautiful women are everywhere. If I want to see an endless parade of them all that I need to do is turn on my television. What interests me are beautiful minds which are rather harder to see and consequently harder to find.