Thinking About: The Past

I’ve said to people more than once that I’m very much like a shark – not that I’m sleek and deadly (far from it) but that I’m always moving forward. Just like the Italian race driver in one of those 70’s driving films (possibly The Gumball Rally) said, as he removed the rear-view mirror “What is behind me is of no concern.”

Of course I do have a past – we all do – but what I don’t do is dwell on it. I have pleasant memories and I have regrets – we all do – but I just don’t live there any more. I can, as you know, be nostalgic sometimes and maybe I’m getting more nostalgic as I grow progressively older but I don’t want to live back in the 70’s or 80’s or whenever. Generally speaking the best time to be alive is always now – today. No matter how much you enjoyed things in another part of your life they’re now part of history. You can take the memories, like old books off a shelf, and flick though them but the time comes around when they need to be put back and forgotten about. Likewise our regretful actions, despite being part of what makes us the people we are today, should not be allowed to *define* who we are. We’ve all made mistakes, we are after all only human. I’m sure that many people reading this (and I definitely include myself here) have fucked up more than a few things in their lives through ignorance, anger, jealousy or moments of weakness. Such incidents are part of our lives and should be viewed as such. We make mistakes, we regret the damage they cause, we try to make amends and then we move forward after learning valuable life lessons. That’s how we mature as people and how we gain wisdom. A person who has led a blameless life, if such a thing is even possible, has had no experience of regret, and learns little.

Until fairly recently I hardly ever gave much thought to the future which is odd considering that I’m such a huge fan of SF. If I planned more than a few days ahead it was unusual. I was, and still am to a large extent, a creature very much of habit. My job has changed that aspect of me – at least where work is concerned. I’m now regularly thinking and planning 4-6 months ahead. It’s taken several years to get my head around the idea of planning that far out but it’s becoming second nature to me. As to my personal life – outside of work that is – I’ve no real need to plan that far ahead. I know roughly when I’ll be taking my holidays and what book I’m going to be reading next (and often the one after that) but that’s just about as far as it goes. Like Edna (pictured above) I tend, more often as not, to live in the moment. I know my past well enough for it to have informed who I am. My experiences have let light fall on aspects of my personality I might never have discovered without them. Some aspects I like, others not so much. But they are all part of me and, arrogant as it might sound to some ears, I like who I am right now. That being the case how can I anguish over things that made me this way? The past is something to be viewed from an emotional distance, with perspective and with a healthy dose of forgiveness. To err is very human indeed; to forgive yourself is vital rather than divine. Let the past be the past. Live in the present and look forward to the future. Swim like a shark…..