Rise of the funerals that leave out God
By Caroline McClatchey for the Sunday Telegraph
04/03/2007
More than 30,000 funerals in Britain last year were nonreligious, as families turn increasingly to "celebration-of-life" ceremonies rather than church services, according to new figures. The rise is being attributed to people's growing willingness to admit that they are non-believers, and to their desire to avoid "hypocrisy". Ten years ago, a funeral without a minister of religion and reference to God was virtually unheard of but increasingly, services are presided over by a "celebrant" and involve poems instead of psalms, while mourners are often asked to wear something bright rather than black.
One in 20 families now rejects a church service in favour of a celebration of life, according to the National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD), which represents 85 per cent of the industry. Most of those choosing non-religious funerals were brought up as Anglicans or Presbyterians but have stopped going to church and no longer believe in God, said Dominic Maguire, a spokesman for the association. "Years ago, people thought they needed a minister of some religion," he said. "They were concerned about what the neighbours would think. Now they are saying there's going to be no hypocrisy in death." Lapsed Roman Catholics are more likely to be "dragged" into church by their families, he added.
Christine Frain, 62, from Chiswick in west London, decided on a non-religious funeral for her husband Ron, a photographer who died of cancer in December. She said the 75-year-old jazz fan had not believed in God or an after-life, so a more personal affair "with plenty of Miles Davis" was more true to him. "He was born a Catholic but was deeply suspicious of religion," said Mrs Frain, a retired secretary. "We had poems and I wrote something about his life. It was not religious at all." Caroline Black, 50, a British Humanist Association celebrant, organised Mr Frain's funeral. When she finished her training six years ago, there were 120 humanist celebrants in England and Wales. There are now 220. Referring to herself as the "atheist vicar of Dibley", she said: "Every ceremony is unique and reflects the character of the deceased. The minister or God doesn't own the funeral, the family does."
Miss Black conducted the funeral last year of Linda Smith, the comedian and a former president of the British Humanist Association. The funerals of comics Ronnie Barker, Bob Monkhouse and Dave Allen, and of John Curry, the ice-skater, were humanist. Robert Bolt, the writer and director who wrote A Man For All Seasons and the screenplays for Lawrence of Arabia, Doctor Zhivago and Ryan's Daughter, had a secular funeral in 1995. Part of the appeal of non-religious services may also be the increased cost of conventional funerals. Britons spent £1.3 billion on funerals last year and the average cost has risen by 61 per cent from £2,048 in 2000 to £3,307 last year. A celebrant from the British Humanist Association charges an average £130, about the same fee as an average clergyman.
Most non-religious services take place in crematoriums. Up to seven out of 10 bodies are cremated, which is the cheaper option. Many cemeteries will run out of space within 10 years, forcing councils to consider unpopular solutions such as "double-decker" graves, with coffins buried on top of one another. However, cremation also poses problems. The fumes from vaporised dental fillings make up 16 per cent of mercury emissions, according to government figures. More Britons are opting for coffins of wicker and cardboard. The NAFD estimate there are 2,000 "green" funerals every year and that there are now 214 "natural" burial grounds across Britain, compared with 52 in 1997.
The Church of England carried out 207,300 funerals in 2005, down from 228,000 in 2001 and there have been calls for all churches to modernise services to boost numbers. The Rev Paul Sinclair, the founder of Motorcycle Funerals, which uses side-car hearses in place of traditional vehicles, said it was already happening. "Most church ministers I know will happily have music the deceased liked and will not insist on hymns," said the Pentecostal minister. "We need to get the message out to people that the church has come a long way."
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7 comments:
When my brother died, my mother had the rabbi take the funeral service. None of us were keen, but G was a member of the synagogue, and had a long running affiliation with it, so my mother said she felt that he would have wanted it, and we went along with what she wanted.
NEVER AGAIN will I attend a funeral of anyone I actually care about if it is conducted by a religious person. It was the most revolting thing I have ever had to sit through. The stupid **** had no idea of his life, or his death. He was NOT in a better place - even if you beleive in heaven as the most pefect thing possible, it is not better to be there at 25 years old, rather than here, with all his friends and family, following a very succesful career he was excelling at, and just starting a relationship.
She spent more than half the allotted time banging on about God & how happy we should all be that he had died before he even had time to live properly, over-running so that all the people who actually knew him and wanted to talk about his life did not have the time to do so.
That hour did more to put me off religion than anything else. It was wrog in every way I can think of.
I have informed all my family that I will not organise, or attend a religous funeral again. My sister feels the same.
juggling mother--that's unfortunate. Most of time, the speaker takes the time to get to know the person through the family and through stories and photographs. I wouldn't put too much emphasis on religion as a whole being responsible for the way this one person carried out their duties. They just didn't do a good job and they bear the responsibility for that on their own.
I'd like to be creamated. And I would like my family to celebrate my life instead of making a memorial of my death.
I want some good rock music played.
Sadie Lou - i think she felt he did do a good job. that was the issue. she did "research" his lfe - well some bits of it, and she did say all the stuff she was supposed to but instead of helping it made the experience much worse for the family.
A few months later I attended Aggie's gradmothers funeral - christian this time, but almost exactly the same was said. it works when you're talking about an 89 year lady, with chldren, rand-chldren & great grandchildren, a lifetime of experiences to rmemeber & celebrate.
Any God who kills a young, fit, helthy, intelligent and vital person is not one I want attending their funeral!
There was no free will, choice or reason for his death. And, of course, if I truely was a believer, I would know he'd goe t hell for his blasphemy anyway, so the fasle hope offered would have been even MORE distressing to anyone of faith!
like ron frain, i'm deeply suspicious of religion, too. i have an idea that jesus was deeply suspicious of institutional religion. his brother james spoke of true religion - care for widows and orphans
This is good news for believers. They will have a lot more room in heaven than they would if these people who died would had a religious funeral ceremony. God doesn't bother letting anyone in who doesn't have a religious funeral.
The idea of any hymns being sung at my funeral makes me feel ill. I cannot think of anything more dreary and less me.
I love the idea of funerals being a celebration of the person's life rather than a heavy, morbid event. And you're right, Juggling Mother, the idea of harping on about what a better place the deceased has gone to seems to completely diminish the life they had here - regardless of your beliefs in an afterlife.
And cardboard coffins are a great idea too. We do not have room for all these unbiodegradable boxes in the ground.
I really must get around doing a Will at some point to make sure that any ceremony I have is completely non-religious. But I guess that my friends and relatives already know my views on the subject.
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