Thinking About: Being an Aries

By an odd statistical coincidence out of a team of six people at work four of them (including me) have birthdays in April less than 10 days apart. This, as you might imagine, has caused some surprise and not a small amount of amused conversation. This year one of the big bosses found out – during one of his flying visits – and began musing on what characteristics we had in common. None, I said, because Astrology is bollocks. He seemed quite taken aback by my statement or maybe it was because he’s unused to hearing moderately crude language from someone he considers to be fairly well educated?

Anyway…. Aries. Let’s see how much the supposed Arian Personality matches my own shall we?

Aries personalities are independent. [Yes, I consider myself to be very independently minded. I go my own way and do my own thing. This trait has increased with age.]

Being the first of the zodiac signs, they venture out and are go-getters, often leading the way. [No, I am almost never venturesome nor am I go-getting. In fact I have often been criticised for not being a go-getter. I do not lead, nor do I generally follow. I do not regard either trait to be natural to me.]

Their upbeat and magnetic personality often entices others to follow their lead because Aries personalities bring excitement into others lives. [This made me laugh. Me…? Upbeat? I am universally recognised as being quite dour and always looking at the dark-side of things. If I have any kind of magnetism it’s the type that repels other things rather than attracting them. I doubt very much if I bring excitement into others lives. If 100 people where asked to describe me in one word I’m guessing that exciting would not feature.]

Aries are good friends, they always look out for their friends with caring and generosity and will protect them should the need arise and encourage them with their natural optimism. [Agreed. I am a good friend and seem to spend a great deal of my time encouraging others. Go figure. As to being naturally optimistic….? This caused another good laugh.]   

If success is not immediate, they tend to lose interest and give up easily. Aries are notorious for not finishing what they have begun. This is due to the low tolerance for boredom and lack of patience. [I am not a completer/finisher. Never have been. It’s not really that I’m bored with the first project but that the next one, and the one after that, seems more important. I don’t sweat the small stuff because I hardly take any notice of it. It’s actually a running gag at work. I give up easily on most things because I see them as fundamentally unimportant. For the important things – I never give up. I am, in the right circumstance, quite relentless.]

Independence is key to Aries astrology, they do not like to take orders from others and enjoy getting their way. [Years ago, when I was still comparatively young, my then boss learnt that I was quite interested in all things military. Well then, she said, why don’t you join the Territorial Army (pretty much our version of the American National Guard)? I just looked at her and said that I have a pathological inability to take orders. Of course everyone would like to get their own way (which must be quite enjoyable). I am no different. I would certainly like to get my own way more often.]

In order to get their way, Aries will tell a lie if it seems advantageous to do so. They are however, not very good liars and other people can usually see through them. [I don’t tell lies very often. Lies are generally too complicated and I have a shocking short term memory which makes me a poor liar.]

Underneath the strong, independent surface may lie insecurity. This is due to the intense drive to succeed and Aries put too much pressure on themselves, thus resulting in self-doubt however, the natural optimism and enthusiasm overtakes this and the underlying insecurity may never be known to others. [Although I am in many ways rather insecure it is most definitely not due to my ‘intense drive to succeed’ (which does not exist) and it is not covered by my natural optimism and enthusiasm (likewise). I doubt. It’s what I do. I’m a sceptic by nature and part of this scepticism is a doubt about my own abilities. Oddly I have succeeded at, or at least coped with, virtually everything I have undertaken in the last 50 years from education to work.]

An Aries man has a lust for adventure so if you are thinking about having a relationship with an Aries man, be prepared for fast-paced adventure, novelty and excitement. [Pretty much 100% wrong. Although not a prude I do like my creature comforts and do not believe in taking silly risks for thrills in a relationship. I can be impulsive – indeed I like being impulsive but feel that spontaneity has its time and place and works best with some decent planning behind it.]

Let Aries know that you admire them, they thrive of admiration and followers. [A little bit of admiration is never a bad thing but I have little time, and less respect, for followers. I am an independent person who expects others to be independent too.]

They love compliments more then most other astrology signs of the zodiac. [Oh how I hate compliments. I am find them deeply untrustworthy and often do not believe a word.]

They like conversation about intellectual topics and engage them in a lively discussion, or a friendly debate. They love the challenge and the stimulation of good, intelligent conversation. [Most definitely as you may have noticed.]

The head is Aries' most powerful erogenous zone. Stroking their hair and rubbing their scalp will make them feel relaxed and heighten their sensations. Nibble the ear, for especially the men, they will not be able to resist this, he will get uncontrollable urges and you will soon be all his! [The only person I don’t mind playing with my hair is my hairdresser. As to nibbling my ears…… You have got to be kidding me!]

The Aries zodiac sign is straightforward, aggressive and adventurous and this is reflected in their approach to sex. Expect it to be physical, quick and rough, they like to dominate and have the upper position. [Whilst a quick fuck can be lots of fun – especially when time is short – I much prefer taking my time, building tension and even conversation during sex. I also like it when my partner takes the lead and shows me what she likes. After all it takes two to tango successfully.]

So, as you can see, apart from a few definite hits most of the Aries personality profile does not apply to me – sometimes spectacularly so. It is indeed a load of bollocks.