Thinking About: Identity

I was chatting to one of the guys at work recently and the subject of identity came up (in the context of the upcoming vote on Scottish independence). He said that, although he was born in Scotland and only spent the first 10 months of his life there and have never been back, he still thought of himself as Scottish. This, of course got me thinking about the whole idea of identity and the difference between what you are and what you think or label yourself as. So here is how I see my identity:

Male

Although I’m male and rather enjoy the fact (apart from the drag of shaving most days) I don’t think that this simple brute fact means very much. I’d rather hope that if fate had plonked me inside a woman’s body rather than a man’s that I’d pretty much be the same person despite the predictable life experience differences. If changing gender was as easy as popping a pill and waiting a few weeks for things to rearrange themselves I’d think that I’d try the opposite gender out to see what it was like. Unfortunately technology is far, far away from such experimentation – more the pity.

White

Well, more of a pasty pink really. Again I’d hope that my core personality would be the same no matter what my skin tone was. Although maybe 50+ years of casual, unconscious and occasional overt discrimination might have changed me somewhat. I’d hope not. Anyway, I don’t think that my skin colour does, or should, define who I am from the outside or the inside.

Straight

Despite a few people over the years thinking that I’m gay, I’m not. I actually have a deep and overwhelming interest in women. Whilst I’m not blind to good looking or otherwise attractive men I have no interest in them as sexual beings. To be quite honest boys smell and grunt far too much for me to find them in any way attractive. If I was a girl I’d definitely be gay. Women are, generally, majestic creatures and just great to look at before you even get to know them. I mean, what’s not to like?

English

I was fated to be born in one of the best countries in the world. I can think of maybe 4-5 other countries I wouldn’t mind living in but only as an alternative rather than a first preference. I certainly don’t think my country is perfect, far from it, and I’ve not one of those people who take their patriotism just too far (I do not own a single Union flag in any format) but I do very much like the idea if being English. Saying that I also identify with being European (which I think is a no-brainer). We may live on an island located 26 miles off the European mainland but we are still in Europe whether we like it or not. Personally I like it.

Northern

Despite living about half my life (so far) in the South I still think of myself as a Northerner. No matter how long I stay here or where I eventually end up I will die a Northerner. It is literally in my blood. I fully identify with ‘The North’ and it makes my heart glad every time I get on a train and pass a certain part of the route home. That’s what it’s about – home. My home, no matter where I happen to live, is in the North. A good chunk of the identity revolves around my home city (there’s that word again) of Liverpool. Some years ago I was in Wales with a friend of mine and one of his friends asked me if I was from England. No, I said, I’m from Liverpool. Funnily I saw a sign at work near someone’s desk which said ‘You are now entering the People’s Republic of Liverpool’. It did make me laugh and I still smile about it today. But that’s how many of us Liverpudlians see ourselves, different, separate and special.

Socialist

I suppose being Left Wing is part and parcel of being a Northerner. Sure, there are pockets of Conservatives and Liberals in the North but they’re only pockets. I have voted for other parties including for over a decade the Liberals, but this is because there are no Socialist parties these days worthy of that name. Back in the day when Labour actually had a Socialist ideology I loved them for it despite, or possibly because of, the fact that it made them unelectable for years at a time. But they stuck to their beliefs no matter what. Back then the Labour Party actually had principles and stuck to them. I was honestly delighted when New Labour got into power right up until the moment it became bloody obvious that they no longer had socialist ideals or, indeed, any ideals at all. My other wider political views flow from this fundamental belief. I’m egalitarian, meritocratic and a republican and I loathe the very idea of privilege or patronage.

Rational

I do my best to be as rational as I can be considering that humans are, by nature, deeply irrational. I try to look at things calmly, without too much emotion getting in the way. I like to be presented with facts rather than opinion and with theory rather than argument. I like to make up my own mind about things, to think things through, looking at contrary evidence, consequences and historical precedents. I try not to take things at face value and am always cautious whenever anyone says ‘trust me on this one’.  Wrapped up into this simple header is the fact that I see myself as a Humanist, a Materialist, an Atheist and a Sceptic. I like to see myself as level headed, logical (up to a point) and willing to change my mind if new compelling evidence is presented to me. I’m not a scientist by training (my degree’s being in the Humanities) but I do my best to think like one.

Stoic

I came across elements of Stoicism through my wide reading across the decades and liked what I saw. I liked their philosophy of deciding on which elements of life you had control of (so can do something about), which you had no control of (so should stop trying to change) and which you could influence but not control. Knowing which element of your life fits into each category can be tricky – especially the influence section – but once you have largely figured it out life can go a whole lot more smoothly as you cease wasting time and energy on things you cannot change (like the past). Funnily I instinctively gave my boss a Stoic answer recently when he asked if I was looking forward to my 54th birthday with pleasure or anxiety. I smiled at him and said “Indifference”. He had no idea what to say in response.

Gamer

I have been playing computer games since the early 1970’s and took to it like a fish to water. It goes far beyond enjoying the challenge, the bright colours, the micro encouragements and much else besides. Being a Gamer is, I think, at the core of who I am. There are people who don’t play and don’t understand, games, there are people who play games and there are gamers. It is not simply an addiction it is much more than that. It is an attitude, it is a way of seeing the world, it is a way of life. I can chart times in my life by the game I was playing at the time: Doom, Command & Conquer, SimCity, Diablo, Total Annihilation, Dawn of War, Battlefield 2, Call of Duty, Borderlands, World of Warcraft. Gaming is in my blood, cut me and I would bleed pixels, kill me and I would respawn and come looking for you. When I die I want to wake up in Pandaria with quests to do and dragons to fly.

Reader

Presently I’m managing to read about 70 books a year. That’s not bad but I’d like to push it to 100 if I could. That was the number I was managing back in my teens and early 20’s before life, university and work got in the way. I read therefore I am. If something prevents me from reading for more than a few days I start getting twitchy and then depressed. I find myself reading street signs, shop fronts, advert hoardings, cereal packets – anything. My reading is driven by the need to know, to understand things. It’s definitely something deep in my psyche. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy things that I read, quite the contrary. I love finding out new stuff, new ideas, new directions to take my investigations. There is so much I am yet to discover. Who knows, I might actually find a Rosetta Stone that puts it all together so that everything falls in place and finally makes sense. Maybe it’s sitting in one of my TBR piles right now, waiting to be discovered?

Naturally these are only the highlights. I’d be horrified if anyone could sum me up on just under 3 pages of A4 paper! I do hope that I’m at least a little more complex than that, a little more nuanced, a little more interesting. Well, it’s a work in progress, as they say. Come back in 10 years and see who I am then or stick around and see what happens from day to day. There’s just a chance that it might be an interesting journey (or maybe a quest?)