To sleep…. Or not (as the case may be).

I’m tired. It’s not that late though – only 21:23 here as I type this sentence. It hasn’t been a particularly long day, or a stressful one, but I’m certainly starting to flag. That’s because last night I barely slept. I woke up around 90 minutes after I put the light out and from then on lightly dozed until the alarm clock ‘woke’ me just over 5 hours later. Unfortunately this is not exactly an unusual occurrence.

I’ve been having bouts of insomnia for the last 20-30 years and possibly longer. Usually there’s a cause that seems to be a tailor made explanation for my inability to sleep: I’m ill, too stimulated, in unfamiliar surroundings, emotional or stressed from work. This I can understand and at least try to do something about. If I’m ill, say with a cold that restricts my breathing (which I hate at bedtime) I can take time off work to recover and, if required, sleep in the daytime to recover from my overnight sleep deprivation. I’ve learnt not to drink caffeine drinks after 6pm unless mixed with alcohol at the weekend (or if I’m actually planning to stay up all night watching an election – sad I know!). For the rest I try relaxation techniques, a nice smelling moisturiser designed for sleepless babies and various herbal remedies containing Valerian. So far at least I have managed to resist the pull of sleeping tablets and the danger of relying on them to get me under only to find I need a different kind of drug to get me going again in the morning. Personally I’d rather avoid that particular pharmacological roller-coaster if possible!

Most of my ‘episodes’ last 2-3 days (or rather nights) at the end of which I simply collapse into bed and sleep – deep. A few times it might drag on for 3-4 days/night. Very occasionally longer still. The worse times is when there is no obvious reason. It’s just that my brain refuses to sleep. During those, thankfully rare, instances I can be in bed WIDE awake where moments before I was barely keeping conscious. But the second my head hits the pillow – bam I’m awake. I know from experience that little I do after that will have any effect. I have often just considered getting up and continuing my day into the early hours but instead ‘pretended’ to sleep on the off chance that I could fool my body/brain the follow suit. Unfortunately my body has proven itself more than once to be smarter than I am.

Whilst not often actually debilitating my lack of sleep is, especially when it drags on for more than a few days, more than a little annoying. I suppose it might have something to do with my age. I do feel that it’s getting worse as the years progress. I wonder if, subconsciously, I’m realising that each hour awake is becoming progressively more precious. That’s probably a little too romantic for my taste. I think this might call for some research. I have a book on sleep coming up fairly soon. Maybe it’ll give me some pointers towards getting, more often than not, a decent night’s sleep. At least I can hope so [yawn].