Thinking About: Being Single
I’m lucky in that I actually like my own company. I’m not driven, as I know some people are, to seek the company of others. Which is all to the good as I’ve spent most of my adult years single. Of course this state has many advantages – I can stay up until 2am playing video games if I want to, I can buy just about any weird piece of junk I like, I can eat what I want, when I want and as often as I want, I can wear anything (or nothing) if it pleases me, I can sleep in or get up at dawn if the muse takes me, I can listen to loud music in the middle of the day, so basically I can do pretty much what I like without needing to think about another person or take their thoughts into consideration. I suppose some could say that I’m being selfish – but as I’m not exactly harming anyone I’d have to say ‘So what’.
I have enjoyed several fairly long (a comparative term I know) relationships and have largely enjoyed them. The good times where great and the bad times… where instructive - I think is the best way of looking at it. Entering into another relationship after so long alone would, I think, be difficult. I’m pretty much set in my ways now so would probably see another person in my life as intrusive. Sure, a bit more sex might be fun but I don’t miss it that much. My libido is certainly active enough even at my advancing age but we’ve come to an arrangement and try not to bother each other too much. I think what I miss most is intimacy. Friendship is good but relationships with lovers are much more satisfying, like the difference between a snack and the three course meal. Actually it’s more than that. It’s not a difference in degree but a difference in kind. I remember being with Carol when I literally couldn’t see anything beyond 6 feet away just because it wasn’t of any interest to me. Such memories are inevitably tinged with sadness but they’re still great memories. I do miss that intensity of feeling. Maybe it’s just that it’s Spring and the sap is rising.
On the bright side I have money in the bank and oodles of free time to read books I’m sure any partner wouldn’t approve of. I am irredeemably who I am I’m afraid which, it would seem, is more than a little off-putting to any prospective lover. I actually shudder at the prospect of living with someone. I’d have to be tidy for one thing (or at least tidier). I’m not sure if I could cope with that and I’m pretty certain that she wouldn’t be able to cope with me. I think its best that if I ever do accidently fall into a relationship that we live in separate houses. I think that’s best all around.
Stranger things have happened (usually at sea for some reason) so I don’t rule out another fling before my life fizzles out. It would be nice waking up next to someone in the morning – though maybe not every morning. It would be nice sharing ideas over dinner or out walking the dog (if we had a dog). In the meantime I’ll crank up the music so I can hear it upstairs whilst watching my Heavy Bolter team cut the enemy into bloody chunks……
9 comments:
I can relate. I was perfectly content being alone for years, until I met Robyn who is now my fiance. She lives in Boston and I in Ohio. Her family is not exactly thrilled about her moving here, so things are going slow. So now, instead of being contentedly alone, I am with someone and depressed. You've got a good thing going! ;-)
Of course, my tune will hopefully change once we get marred.
I've been thinking about being single as well - for obvious reasons. This is the first time in my life that I have lived alone - since I met & moved in with John right after college (having roomates the whole time). So I'm finding that while I am getting more comfortable with my own thoughts, I also crave having people around to share them with.
I do find I have a lot of idle time that I'd like to fill with more interesting activities - but I have no idea what...
I also have to say that while society seems hell bent on telling us that being coupled-off is the "natural" order of things, that I do not think there is anything wrong or selfish with being on your own. If that is what you need, what you want, and what makes you happiest, then don't think it's "selfish" at all.
mike said: I was perfectly content being alone for years, until I met Robyn who is now my fiance. She lives in Boston and I in Ohio.
Indeed. I've had a few long distance (again comparatively - only about 180 miles in my case) relationships. Needless to say it didn't really work for me - especially as I don't drive.
mike said: So now, instead of being contentedly alone, I am with someone and depressed. You've got a good thing going! ;-)
[laughs] I know what you mean. Singledom is uncomplicated. Coupledom can be a social and emotional mine-field (or is that just *my* experience). Being single seems to have a lot of advantages and few disadvantages.
mike said: Of course, my tune will hopefully change once we get married.
Indeed. The *best* of luck to both of you.
Laura said: This is the first time in my life that I have lived alone - since I met & moved in with John right after college (having roomates the whole time).
Wow. it must be quite a shock for you. I only lived alone for the first time when I moved to London for a job when I was 28. I've had *lots* of practice since then.
Laura said: So I'm finding that while I am getting more comfortable with my own thoughts, I also crave having people around to share them with.
That is one of the downsides of being single - and my cat wasn't really a great conversationalist. Luckily I can hold various interesting conversations in my own head [grin].
Laura said: I do find I have a lot of idle time that I'd like to fill with more interesting activities - but I have no idea what...
It takes time to fill in the gaps - if you want to fill them in. I read a lot (as you know) and play far too many computer games. I do various courses, go to the cinema, go out with friends, do a series of MA's [grin]... Oh, and blog.... [laughs] You just need to find out what you want to do - because you have the time to do it.
Laura said: I also have to say that while society seems hell bent on telling us that being coupled-off is the "natural" order of things...
Doesn't it just... [grinds teeth]
Laura said: If that is what you need, what you want, and what makes you happiest, then don't think it's "selfish" at all.
Oh, I don't... but other people do. I overheard a conversation on the bus some years ago where two people were relating a conversation where someone had called single people "scum of the Earth". I think that's just jealousy talking.. [rotflmao]
I always thought I'd be single well into my 30's (and perhaps beyond). Got married at 24 and have been happy. But I very much see the merit of living alone and am not scared of being alone. Some people really are. My grandfather for example -- He divorced my grandmother in the mid-70's (her choice), joined the Peace Corps, came back, got married and outlived that wife, moved back in with my grandmother when she got ill (outlived her), met and married another lady. He absolutely cannot be alone.
Both of you will do fine, single or not. It's not like you are hermits with no outside interaction. You both have numereous sounding boards (on and offline) and reasonably normal families.
Now, if CK gets another 10 cats or if Laura starts doing needlepoint or going to quilting clubs, we might need to talk. :-)
I was very happy alone for about 6 years. I had no intention of getting into another relationship when I met M. Luckily, we had a long-distance relationship for 2 1/2 years. The sharing of space on a daily basis was an adjustment for both of us. I'm glad I'm in this relationship. I find I'm not as crazy and eccentric when I've got someone living with me on a daily basis who's not afraid to say, "what the heck are you doing" when I do something a little off-beat. She smoothes out my rough edges and doesn't let me make a fool of myself too often.
dbackdad said: Both of you will do fine, single or not. It's not like you are hermits with no outside interaction. You both have numereous sounding boards (on and offline) and reasonably normal families.
In my case you must have a very wide interpretation of 'normal family'. [laughs]
dbackdad said: Now, if CK gets another 10 cats or if Laura starts doing needlepoint or going to quilting clubs, we might need to talk. :-)
If I had 10 cats (I don't have any ATM) I'd need a much bigger house and someone paid full time to empty the litter trays [holds nose].
V V said: I find I'm not as crazy and eccentric when I've got someone living with me on a daily basis who's not afraid to say, "what the heck are you doing" when I do something a little off-beat.
[laughs] Carol would just give me 'the look'. We all know what *that* means don't we...? [rotflmao]
V V said: She smoothes out my rough edges and doesn't let me make a fool of myself too often.
I wouldn't mind my rough edges smoothed... and a decent (or would that be decadent) back rub.... [makes purring sound]
Oh the backrubs are one of M's favorite things. Apparently I'm very good at it. I don't particularly see the greatness in them, but glad she does.
I knit, does that count? I've found the gaps are more likely than not filled with liquor... but in a good way ;)
Laura - We'll give you a pass on the knitting. After all, I should have to give up my "man card" since I like Erasure and dabble in interior decorating. :-)
Post a Comment